I have been asked this question a lot lately. I never really thought about it until recently and could never really answer it. I have pondered this over and over and my answer used to be "forgetting what happened and moving on". But the more I think about it the more that answer does not seem right. Forgiveness is letting go of hope for a better past, knowing that you can let go of the hurt but not forgetting what it taught you. You will always remember but know that the past cannot be changed but the future can.

Forgiving yourself is one of the hardest thing you will do. We always hold ourselves at a higher standard than everyone else. We do something wrong, like cheating on a partner, we say things to ourselves like "I never should have done that. I'm a horrible person". But when someone else does it to us we are quick to forgive, even when they are repeat offenders. Knowing and accepting the fact that the past cannot be changed is the first step in forgiving ourselves. Changing how we feel about what we have done makes future mistakes like this more easily avoided. We become more honest with ourselves which, in turn, makes us honest with others. So remember, letting go of the hurt does not necessarily mean forgetting. Forgiveness can only happen when you let go of your hurt and resentment and look towards a better future.

Tutus for Halloween!

So Misty and I have decided to be Sophia Grace and Rosie for Halloween this year. These two LOVE tutus and the color pink. So I did a little research and have found a site that was helpful with how to make tutus. I'm excited to see how they turn out, as I only got 4 yards of each color and I'm making two tutus. I already have the elastic for the waist made and sewn together all that's left is to cut the tulle and tie it to the elastic. I will post pictures of the finished product and possibly a video of how to do it. Here is the link if you would like to check it out. http:// onethousandtutus.com/makeatutu.asp

Suicide "Prevention"

Why is it people wait until someone hurts themselves before they do anything? Why do you wait until self-inflicted harm is done before you're willing to give someone "suicide counseling"? The answer is simple, they're not considered a risk until they do bodily harm to themselves. They can think about it, write about it, and talk about it all they want. But the truth is no one will think that they are serious until they follow through with actions. You can look for help all you want, but all they're going to do is send you home with some "happy pills" until you do in fact attempt to take your life. Maybe all you need is happy pills, maybe what you need is someone to talk to and help pick your brain for the root cause of what is going on inside of it.

I used to be where you are, at the end of rope with no hope. I thought I was alone and there was only one way out. But there isn't, there is hope and you don't have to die to solve your problems. I was 16 when I first attempted suicide. I felt like I could go to no one or talk to anyone about what I was feeling or thinking. My therapist sent me home with an empty notebook and two different anti-depressant prescriptions. They worked for a few weeks and the notebook made a good place to write down how worthless I thought I was, and then turned into a book full of suicide notes. I saw him once again and our sessions weren't about finding out what was wrong with me, it was about him and why he was single. I eventually gave up on therapy and withdrew my feelings and thoughts. I gave up on trying to fix myself and dumped both bottles of pills in the trash. I was doing ok for another 3 years after that. Then it all fell apart again and it just started out as just being depressed and crying all the time. Now it's to the point where I contemplate suicide a lot. I found that just talking to a therapist about my problems and having them help me set up a plan on how to work through them helps me a lot more than pills and a stupid notebook.